These are the five habits of highly likable people

These are the five habits of highly likable peopleThese are the five habits of highly likable peopleIt is the fear of most people at work When you wiggle yur way into a group at your office happy hour, the conversation immediately screeches to a halt. When you speak up in kollektiv meetings, your colleagues roll their eyes. You feel like you hear whispers every time you walk down the hallway.For whatever reason, youre hated at work. And, even further, youre convinced that its your no-good, backstabbing coworkers that are the problem. Why on earth wouldnt they like you? You think youre pretty great. How catty and childish (ahem, not to mention blind) are they?Brace yourself for a rude awakening The issue here could very well be you.When youre not well-liked in the office, its easy to point the finger at your coworkers. But, heres the brutal reality You play a large role in how youre perceived in the office - meaning its not all the fault of your landseemingly nasty and judgmental col leagues.We all have blind spots about ourselves, explains Kathi Elster, President of K Squared Enterprises, co-author of Mean Girls at Work, and co-host of My Crazy Office Podcast.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraWhen the behaviors are built in, its easy for us to see them as right. Habits slowly build from this repeated behavior, adds Jeanne Patti, acareer coach.If we ourselves dont see the habits forming or those around us dont call us out on them, these behaviors can become chronic and can negatively affect our character and how others view us.What does all of this mean for you? Well, the way that youre behaving in the office could be majorly turning your colleagues off - without you even realizing it. Heres how to turn it around and become more likable - not with tricks, but with honest self-assessment.How to examine your own behavior for flawsSo, what sorts of behaviors c ould you be exhibiting that are making your teammates cringe? Well, from constantly complaining to interrupting, your obnoxious actions could run the gamut.The most toxic behaviors I see in the workplace involve individuals who think that the only way for them to get a win is for other people to lose, explains Karlyn Borysenko, a principal ofZen Workplace, about something she sees crop up frequently. If they arent pushing other people down, they dont think they can get ahead.Office gossip is another terrible trap thats easy to fall into. As human beings, we like to understand why things are the way they are, and if we dont have a clear explanation for it, well come up with stories to explain it, adds Borysenko.Here are some other things you could be doing that are contributing to your least liked status in the office.Maintaining control at all costs Being the quintessential control freak might seem like a great way to take aktion and bring some much-needed organization to your team, but its sure to grate on your colleagues.These people want to make all the decisions, double-check everything, and nitpick all the small details, says Borysenko. Exhibiting this behavior might mean that youll even go so far as to provide direction to your peers - you act like the boss, even though youre not.Taking credit for others work This ones a no-brainer, right? But, youd be surprised by how easy it is to fall into this same trap yourself.Whether you provide a not-so-subtle reminder that the project was a team effort when your colleague is praised by your boss or you pass off an idea that your team member mentioned to you as your own, it can be tempting to ride on coattails or create your own spinoffs in order to shift the spotlight to yourself.Breeding negativity When your team member wants to change the way you do a certain report, you complain. When the office manager switches out the brand of coffee in the breakroom, you complain.The pessimist can build a pretty strong ca se why the change can hurt the status quo, says Patti. When projects dont meet their goals, these guardians prove themselves right, and the pessimistic behavior will build upon itself.Having all the answers Nobody likes a know-it-all. Not only is this behavior just plain obnoxious, but it can also lead to some pretty condescending treatment of your colleagues.When this person becomes stressed or unable to contribute in a way they see as valuable to help fix the problem, they can quickly judge others and see them as incompetent, Patti explains.Avoiding conflict Are you somebody who prefers to duck and cover as soon as conflicts arise or conversations get a little more heated?You might think that playing Switzerland is a surefire way to stay out of the mess altogether. But, avoiding unpleasantness at all costs - and leaving your coworkers to duke it out, even when you have a dog in the fight yourself - is actually equally as frustrating.How to build self-awarenessHeres the problem w e all run into Recognizing these behaviors in ourselves can be tough.After all, if you knew that something you were doing was royally pissing your coworkers off, you probably wouldve stopped doing that thing long ago, right?Needless to say, the first step to changing any behavior or habit is being able to identify it. So, in order to gain some more favor in the office (and stop those eye rolls that youve grown to dread), youre going to need to become a little more self-aware. Heres how.1. Take ownershipFirst up? Accepting the fact that you do indeed play a large role in the way that youre perceived in the office. Sorry, its not all the fault of your seemingly judgmental colleagues.If we acknowledge how our behaviors are being perceived by our coworkers, that means we need to place blame on ourselves, and most people simply dont want to do that, shares Borysenko. Its far easier to put ourselves in the role of a victim so that we dont have to accept that we probably could have approac hed things differently.2. Ask for feedbackRemember those blind spots you have about your own behavior? You might need to pull in some outside reinforcements to help you realize when youre acting like, well, a jerk. We all need to get direct feedback on what we are doing wrong, explains Elster.Whether you want to have an honest (and likely to be brutally frank) conversation with a coworker that you trust or plan to bring up the way that youre perceived in the office during a one-on-one with your supervisor, getting the insights - and help - of other people on your team can help to open your eyes to the way youre acting.3. Pay attention to your stress reactionsOn a good day, we can play nice with anyone, shares Patti, Yet, when were frustrated and under stress, our core traits come flying out.Most of us act out when we are stressed, which will contribute to bringing out our worst behaviors, adds Elster. We need to know what our stress reactions might be.Pay close attention to how yo ur attitude and behavior change when youre placed in a high pressure situation. For example, do you become extra pushy and controlling when youre working with a tight deadline?Anticipating that reaction will help you to more proactively manage it.4. Stop judgingWhen you realize that youve been acting like a straight-up jerk in the office, its human nature to start beating yourself up. But, resist the temptation to drag yourself over the coals.Stop judging things as good or bad - your behaviors or other peoples, warns Borysenko. The minute we see something as bad we try to fight against it, but thats usually just not productive. Anytime you find yourself judging, take a step back, breathe, consider your goals, and look for the best way to bring others along to achieve them.5. Frequently step back and examine your own roleNo one sets out to behave in bad ways we all try to work in ways that are comfortable for us. So, unless youre a psychopath (they do well at work) theres a good cha nce that the behaviors that you assume to be harmless could be the very things that are pushing your coworkers away.Be aware of these common toxic behaviors and implement these tips to become more aware of your own actions, and youre much more likely to tackle the important task of turning your reputation around.Remember that you often get back the reactions you put out there if youre doing a lot of eye-rolling yourself, youre more likely to get eye-rolls from others in return. If youre complaining a lot, people are complaining about you.Above all Be authentic. Putting on an act to seem like a different person takes a lot of energy, wont make you feel better and most of your colleagues are likely to see right through it anyway. Most of the time, unless were Oscar-nominated actors, were not fooling anyone by pretending. Be sincere in your words and actions, and treat people with the respect they deserve.You can be the smartest person in the room, but if no one likes you or no one wan ts to work with you, your reputation is going to be hurt, concludes Elster. Behavior matters.This article was first published on May 18, 2017.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people